I have identified the following rules to change the approach:1. How fun is it to hang out with someone who only puts themselves down?
When I asked him if we were going out properly he just said he ‘wasn’t there yet, and wasn’t even sure if he wanted a serious relationship.’ “I don’t want to push it as I have a really nice time with him.I don’t want to come across as some relationship-obsessed harpy and I’m sure once we’ve been seeing each other for long enough he’ll come round – we’re in a relationship in all but name anyway.” I slightly want to bang my head against the keyboard now, not least because I’ve said the same thing more than once in the past.They were too emotionally entrenched in the experience and could not see how they were creating some of the dynamics. You will probably see a difference in how people interact with you.2. I myself was a victim of this until I recognized my part in this process and then I began dating and eventually married a man who treats me the way I deserve. Let go of the self defeating thoughts holding you back. And if things go well, dating couples move in with each other, on average, after 30 weeks or 60 dates.
So, from now on I’m sticking to my guns – if you won’t call it after eight weeks, then I’m out of there.
A survey carried out last year by dating website ‘Seeking Arrangements’ found that most couples tend to say ‘I love you’ after 14 dates – or seven weeks (the average number of dates per week was two).
Similarly, most new couples introduced each other to friends for the first time after six dates or three weeks, and that people are most likely to introduce their new boy or girlfriend to their parents after 12 dates or six weeks.
The thing is, you can make any excuse you like when you really fancy, or even love someone.
“They’re still getting over their ex,” “they just need more time,” or (ugh) “they’re scared of commitment,” but the fact is when someone meets the right person, they can’t propose marriage, or a joint rental agreement quick enough.
And if you land a boyfriend that way and then ‘win’ (and by ‘win,’ I mean you get the ultimate prize – marriage) then can you ever really relax, knowing they were so blasé about you when you first met that it took them six months, nine months, a year to refer to you as their girlfriend?