To help you better understand this let’s learn a few key principles that apply to the realistic processes we use to date and mate select.When we see people we filter them as either being in or out of our pool of eligibles. We might include some because of tattoos and piercing or exclude some for the exact same physical traits.
These include slightly above average desirable traits and symmetry in facial features.
According to the Centers for Disease Control the average man in the United States is 5 foot 10 inches tall and weighs about 177 pounds.
Filtering is the process of identifying those we interact with as either being in or out of our pool of people we might consider to be a date or mate. We might include some because they know someone we know or exclude the same people because they are total strangers.
Figure 1 shows the basic date and mate selection principles that play into our filtering processes (This inverted pyramid metaphorically represents a filter that a liquid might be poured through to refine it; IE: coffee filter).
For men, if they have manly facial features (strong chin and jaw and somewhat prominent brow); slight upper body musculature, and a slim waist then they’d have more universally desirable traits. And we tend to find patterns that indicate that homogamy in a relationship can be indirectly supportive of a long-term relationship quality because it facilitates less disagreements and disconnections of routines in the daily life of a couple.
For women: larger eyes, softer facial features and chin; fuller lips, and an hour-glass figure facilitate more universally desirable traits. I believe that we filter homogamously and even to the point that we do tend to marry someone like our parents.Truly, what one person finds as attractive is not what others find to be attractive.There are a few biological, psychological, and social-emotional aspects of appearance that tend to make an individual more attractive to more people.So, here is the million dollar question: "what if I don’t have these universally desirable traits? Here’s why, people from similar: economic class, ethnicity, religion, political persuasion, and lifestyles tend to hang out with others like themselves.Am I excluded from the date and mate selection market? There is a principle that I have found to be the most powerful predictor of how we make our dating and mating selection choices--homogamy. Our mates resemble our parents more because we resemble our parents and we tend to look for others like ourselves.Does that mean that you could have 15 million potential mates out there somewhere? You see, it would take more time than any mortal has in their life to ever interact with that many people.